As a manager, you will inevitably face situations where two staff members do not get along. They are oil and water from a relationship standpoint. Both are typically “right” to some extent. Both are probably pretty good employees overall. Both also tend to assume the worst of the other and gunny sack – every time something doesn’t go well it is another example of Person A doing whatever it is that drives the Person B crazy. While there are no simple solutions, as a manager you must mediate these situations and establish expectations for working together effectively. Preparation, effective facilitation and follow up are key to successful resolution of disagreements.
Prepare
Spend time with each person individually to understand their concerns, the history and context. Identify what impact the strained relationship has on the individuals and the organization.
Research what efforts have been made in the past to address the issues
Communicate the basic agenda for a group meeting. Provide 2-3 questions for the employees to think about and be prepared to discuss during the meeting.
Facilitate
If available, use an HR representative or department head to facilitate the group meeting. A neutral party can be very helpful for all participants. If you must conduct the meeting individually, use the agenda on page 2, or a modified version, to facilitate the conversation.
Your role as facilitator is to make sure each person is heard and also understands where the other person is coming from (this does not necessarily mean agreement). You role is also to keep the conversation moving forward, get the parties back on track if side issues come up, and to force commitment and closure.
Take notes during the meeting; at the closing verbally confirm you have accurately captured each person’s thoughts and commitments.
Follow Up
Follow up is critical. As managers, it is difficult to have these discussions the first time. If follow up doesn’t occur there is no incentive for true behavior change. You may find yourself having the same conversation repeatedly, or just ignoring the situation, and you lose credibility.
Schedule a follow up meeting 1-2 weeks later to check in. Discuss progress and remaining challenges
Reinforce expectations. Schedule an additional meeting if needed. Keep in mind: meeting every week for the next year is wasting company resources – the goal is to resolve the issue.
“When Coworkers Collide” Sample Agenda
5 Welcome (HR & Supervisor)
Why are we here? Provide context
Review the agenda. Explain the process and relevant ground rules (listen openly, no judgment, assume positive intent)
Define outcomes the organization expects
10 Person 1 speaks / Person 2 listens (coach person 2 to listen. Clarifying questions are ok. No debate.)
Describe how your job interacts with his/her job.
In what ways do you rely on him/her to get your job done?
In what ways does he/she rely on you to get your job done?
What can this person start doing / stop doing / continue doing to make your job easier?
5 Person 2 summarizes person 1’s comments. Permit questions and reactions.
10 Person 2 speaks / Person 1 listens (coach person 1 to listen. Clarifying questions are ok. No debate.)
Describe how your job interacts with his/her job.
In what ways do you rely on him/her to get your job done?
In what ways does he/she rely on you to get your job done?
What can this person start doing / stop doing / continue doing to make your job easier?
5 Person 2 summarizes person 1’s comments. Permit questions and reactions.
10 Synapsis and conclusions (HR with supervisor support)
Ask each person to commit to one behavior change
Summarize insights and commitments
Schedule check in date
Spend time with each person individually to understand their concerns, the history and context. Identify what impact the strained relationship has on the individuals and the organization.
Research what efforts have been made in the past to address the issues
Communicate the basic agenda for a group meeting. Provide 2-3 questions for the employees to think about and be prepared to discuss during the meeting.
Facilitate
If available, use an HR representative or department head to facilitate the group meeting. A neutral party can be very helpful for all participants. If you must conduct the meeting individually, use the agenda on page 2, or a modified version, to facilitate the conversation.
Your role as facilitator is to make sure each person is heard and also understands where the other person is coming from (this does not necessarily mean agreement). You role is also to keep the conversation moving forward, get the parties back on track if side issues come up, and to force commitment and closure.
Take notes during the meeting; at the closing verbally confirm you have accurately captured each person’s thoughts and commitments.
Follow Up
Follow up is critical. As managers, it is difficult to have these discussions the first time. If follow up doesn’t occur there is no incentive for true behavior change. You may find yourself having the same conversation repeatedly, or just ignoring the situation, and you lose credibility.
Schedule a follow up meeting 1-2 weeks later to check in. Discuss progress and remaining challenges
Reinforce expectations. Schedule an additional meeting if needed. Keep in mind: meeting every week for the next year is wasting company resources – the goal is to resolve the issue.
“When Coworkers Collide” Sample Agenda
5 Welcome (HR & Supervisor)
Why are we here? Provide context
Review the agenda. Explain the process and relevant ground rules (listen openly, no judgment, assume positive intent)
Define outcomes the organization expects
10 Person 1 speaks / Person 2 listens (coach person 2 to listen. Clarifying questions are ok. No debate.)
Describe how your job interacts with his/her job.
In what ways do you rely on him/her to get your job done?
In what ways does he/she rely on you to get your job done?
What can this person start doing / stop doing / continue doing to make your job easier?
5 Person 2 summarizes person 1’s comments. Permit questions and reactions.
10 Person 2 speaks / Person 1 listens (coach person 1 to listen. Clarifying questions are ok. No debate.)
Describe how your job interacts with his/her job.
In what ways do you rely on him/her to get your job done?
In what ways does he/she rely on you to get your job done?
What can this person start doing / stop doing / continue doing to make your job easier?
5 Person 2 summarizes person 1’s comments. Permit questions and reactions.
10 Synapsis and conclusions (HR with supervisor support)
Ask each person to commit to one behavior change
Summarize insights and commitments
Schedule check in date